This week I reconnected with an old friend, we caught up on a number of changes in our lives since the last time we really spoke, and decided we need to make these catch ups a bit more regular. The whole situation has reminded me of some purposeful steps I’ve taken in this past year to help eliminate the background noise and bring a deeper connection to people in my life.

It started with my (ongoing) privacy project and has lead to an deeper introspection around how I use technology, and social media, in my life.

Yes, I’m bringing back this They Live GIF.

Also if you’ve never watched it, They Live, is a great movie about the power of subliminal influence among other things.

Many of us have become aware that the large, popular social media platforms were made to keep your attention and harvest your data, at all costs. Engagement became a metric, and people took this in as some sort of personal measure of likeability and started to equate this with a connection to others, on both sides of the equation. I admit, I’ve definitely fell into this trap as well and wondering why other’s posts got more likes and comments than something I felt was really funny or that I just really wanted to share (and if I’m honest, to be seen.) That said, as time has went on I’ve felt an abstract layer that points to these technologies no longer being about actual connection with one another. I’d almost go so far as to say they may make connection with others possible, but to truly feel connected, that resides outside of those platforms and I say that as a fully-fledged introvert who has forged most of her friendships and romantic relationships online, and still do to this day. I think there’s a reason that on these same platforms, you’ll see plenty of content this year talking about Analog Living, Going Analog, and What to Pack an Analog Bag (yes, for those of us over a certain age, I am not kidding.)

Also for those of you new to my blog, or my social media, I have a love of Serial Experiments: Lain.

So as a part of my journey, I started really evaluating how I was using various social media platforms, and recognising that it wasn’t adding much positivity to my life. Instead it was adding stress, anger, rage, depression, guilt and a number of other emotions. As well as rarely seeing my connections posts, and instead seeing promoted content and ads. Plus, moving halfway across the World also has changed almost all of my friendships, in significant ways. Some people stayed in touch initially, some we have continued to send small care packages, pictures, and Christmas cards back and forth, some have added me to secure messaging services but the majority preferred to only stay connected on these large platforms, even if we don’t interact beyond a “like” here or there. I’m not saying it’s wrong to like your friends posts, but I did start to think about whether that activity was really adding anything to the friendship and for me, I decided it was not. The first platform to go was Facebook, and yes I did post about leaving, so that those who wanted to keep in touch with me would know how to do so. However, I found only 2-3 of my over 200 connections even responded or found ways to keep in touch, though there were a few “but then I can’t share my posts/photos with you” or “I’ll miss seeing your posts,” but at this point, I wanted something that felt more meaningful. So I started to make more small changes, such as creating a new Instagram (I know, still Meta) but severely locking it down to only include people I chat with or talk to on a regular basis, and have started to spend a bit more time on my hobbies, as you need something to replace the endless scrolling with. I am still working on going out more and meeting people in person, but I do make sure I do this on occasion. Also eventually I would like to move away from the large, capitalist social media platforms all together.

Side Note: You’ll notice in this post, I’ve said large, popular social media platforms. When I say this, I mean those run by capitalist corporate giants for a profit. I have found little pockets of wonderfulness in platforms such as Mastodon, which I wish more people would join. However, it does take time to detox and get used to building your own timeline full of the people and type of content you want to see, as we’ve not had to do this for some time. I also feel that while I may have less follows and connections, the engagement and discussions I’ve had with people show a community that cares about one another and the connections feel more authentic. (Also I am not saying platforms like Mastodon are without their own issues, which means it’s not a great fit and experience for everyone unfortunately. I hope this changes over time.)

So anyways, if you’ve read this far maybe reach out that person you’ve been thinking about recently and wondered what they are up to, or find another way to connect with those who matter to you. <3